I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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