The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
