When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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