You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
