A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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