he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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