she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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