The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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