That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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