alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
