the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
