I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize