There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize