Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I can tuck mytits in my pants
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
