Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize