Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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