Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
