You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
