i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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