I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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