You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
