There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
