Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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