my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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