Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
