My hand turned me down
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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