My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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