just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
