The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
