'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
