hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
