it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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