On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
