yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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