my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
