You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
