you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
