Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
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