I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
