I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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