You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
