You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
