We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
