Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
