dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
