wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
