How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
