left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
