I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
