I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
