he puts the penis in happiness.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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