No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
