The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
