It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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