physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
