He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
