You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Are my feet made of real feet?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need a beard to bite.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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