In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize