I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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