cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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