The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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