The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
