No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
