he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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