I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
