you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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