she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
