I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
