why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
