So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
