So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
