Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
