How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
