We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My cat gives me a boner
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
