Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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