Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
