I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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