she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
