So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
