The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
