I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
